Sadly, I fell off that whole Nablopomo-posting-every-day-wagon last week.
But when I look at it, I see a mother of a two month old who’s working from home and planning an event while organizing a bocce team and running a cheese-tasting club and participating in a cookbook club trying to update her web site every day.
When I look at it that way, I don’t feel so guilty.
The girl, she grows.
She smiles when she awakes.
That’s all I can wish for anyone, really.
Not sure why it’s taken me so long to get out of the house regularly.
Just been wandering from laptop to baby to laundry and sometimes to shower and back again in a daze.
But I realized I was plum stir crazy and needed to walk.
I left the house this morning with baby in stroller.
Hat on, hoodie on, it was still cool enough to be outside.
At a stop light, I ran into one of my friends who has children.
Hat on, hoodie on, I realized I was now one of these mommies.
Like, there’s a social group of them.
And it freaked me out.
The past two months, I’ve thought of myself as Helen Jane with a baby, not as a mommy being part of this mommy group. I’ve said it before, I come from a long line of women who carved their own paths and careers first, and enjoyed the role of mother along with it.
In other words, I won’t change my screen name to NoraLeasMom any time soon.
In other words, it’s more complicated than I thought.
Man. This baby went from sweet and beguiling doll to actual real-life baby this week and I’m plum messy.
Books tell me all different things, don’t even get me started on the internet.
Seems it’s just one of those fussy periods and that’s that.
It’s lots of jiggling, walking and shushing.
It’s lots of scrutinizing her tiny face, seeing if that’s the sound that means tired, hungry or overstimulated.
It’s lots of doubting my own skills.
But as my mom said when I said I couldn’t make omelets,
“Helen Jane, you just haven’t developed your omelet-making skills yet.”
There’s a correlation in there.
But there’s also a vocal child that needs tending.
It’s been hot here this week, driving me indoors, driving me a little crazier than normal.
I can’t wait until the weather cools and we can take mid-afternoon walks.
She’s outgrown this outfit since then.
She grows so fast.
The parents all come on Saturday.
All of her grandparents coming to visit.
They’ll welcome the hot weather.
I hope.
