How long has it been since you had a good sloppy joe?
Ten years? Fifteen? Are you telling me you’ve NEVER HAD A GOOD SLOPPY JOE?
Sloppy Joes are good for big groups, they’re semi-customizable and they have a surprisingly complex flavor.
Fire up your slow cooker, buy some processed, whitebread buns, American cheese and enjoy some Lay’s potato chips, utterly unironically.
1 pound ground beef
1/2 pound ground pork
(if you don’t feel like buying two meats, just buy 1.5 pounds of ground beef, life is hard enough as it is)
1 large onion, finely chopped
1 large red bell pepper, chopped fine
Couple, two three celery ribs, chopped fine
3 cloves garlic, minced
Two 6 ounce or one 12 ounce can of tomato paste
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon Worchestershire sauce
1/8 teaspoon Cayenne pepper
Hot sauce to taste
Heat a large skillet to medium-high heat, squirt some oil in there too. Put the meat, onion, bell pepper and celery in that previously mentioned skillet.
When the meat is brown and the onions are see-through (seven, eight minutes?), slop it all into your slow cooker. Add the rest of the ingredients from garlic on down. Stir it until it looks like, well, sloppy joe mixture.
Cover and cook on low for as long as you’re going to need it.
If you’re cooking in a dutch oven or pan, preheat the oven to 300° F. Brown the meat like I told you before, add the rest of the ingredients and stick that ovenproof sloppy joe pan into the oven for three to four hours.
And I can’t stress this strongly enough:
This must be served with those thin, crisp potato chips and white buns. Whole wheat doesn’t work, Kaiser buns won’t work, I’m talking get-squished-behind-your-teeth white buns.
Same thing with potato chips. I’m as big a fan of Kettle Chips as the next guy, but they just don’t go with sloppy joes.
It’s great for bocce, great for a party and hasn’t been exploited by those more ironic than me. Make sloppy joes today and the world will be much, much better.