Thirty-six is one of those birthdays that makes me gasp a little, put my hand on the nearest wall and say, wait, WHAT?
I’m not gasping because I’m getting old, I like getting old.
There’s power in age.
It’s coming to terms with the expectations I had.
See, when I was a kid, I spent a lot of time dreaming about how awesome it would be to be a grownup.
When I was a grown-up, I would:
Go to restaurants when ever I wanted.
Eat all the donuts in the world.
Dress myself exactly as I wanted to.
Have very, very, very long hair.
And most of all, I would enjoy choice, glorious, glorious choice.
No one would make my choices for me.
Just me, me and my choices.
Problem is, whether due to money, time-constraints, or the demands of tiny, helpless offspring, life choices haven’t felt like mine.
As I prepare to move on from the last 5 years of self-employment (Isn’t it crazy that when I started Maplevine, I said I’d do it for 5 years and then move on to something else? And then at FIVE YEARS TO THE DAY, I’ll be starting my new jobby job. We listen to ourselves! We do!), as I prepare to move on to something else, I am giddy.
I get to try on some new habits, be something new.
And mostly, out of all of this, I want to own my choices.
I want to make my choices the best they can be.
I want to choose wisely.
I want to choose what I WANT.
But I have no idea how to get started.
Do you own your choices?
Or does life feel like a series of choices you have to make?
How do you choose?