Knowledge and the ladies

Craft time

The more I read the internet,
the more I see that knowledge isn’t knowledge,
like it used to be.

Facts aren’t held in an encyclopedia set on the bookshelf.
Instead, knowledge about a topic is developed through debate.

Someone posts an idea, someone disagrees with it.
More evidence is presented, opinions are lobbied back and forth and everyone comes out the better for it.

Except the ladies.

Saturday afternoon

You may not have been raised in a culture that taught that if you are to be a good girl, a successful girl, you must first and foremost be an agreeable girl.

You may not have had the kind of childhood I did, where I learned to make everyone happy lest I set him off again.

So now I seek consensus in all things.
Without consensus, I feel that terrifying flutter that things are going to get out of hand and I’m headed to get hit and I won’t be liked anymore.


But as I see more and more knowledge centered around debate.
And more women raised to avoid debate.
I fear that we’re getting left behind when it comes to the current version of knowledge.

Disagreement isn’t ladylike.
Arguing is likely to get you shunned.
Dissension isn’t desirable in females.

Hey hey hey!
So, how do I raise my daughters to feel okay arguing?
Get better at arguing myself.

How do I get my friends to hold differing opinions?
Be more of a Cowboy than an Octopus.

How do I jump into a comment thread and feel comfortable sharing my opinion, my facts, while knowing that UR A FAT WHORE will probably be my punishment?
Just typing that made me feel foolish. I’m far more grown up than this. Why are these pixels scaring me?

It’s been easier to avoid commenting.
But if I’m getting left out on where knowledge lives, I’d better steel (gird?) my loins and jump in.

If I see someone shaming another woman for being disagreeable, I’ll point it out.
I’ll talk about it.
“She’s actually making us all smarter.”

If I want to raise little fighters,
little smartypants,
smarter ladypants,
I better be better at defending my opinion.

A challenge to me,
it seems silly really,
but I’m challenging myself to comment something that might not be popular with other commenters on a particular thread.

I’m not going out of my way to pick fights, but I want to overcome that natural inertia to not join the conversation, even if I can’t go with the most popular opinion.

I’m sure YOU have no problem with this stuff.
You enjoy hearty debate,
nigh invigorated with disagreement.

But it’s hard for me.
Which means it’s probably important.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Whale Shark

Thoroughly enjoyable weekend


Poor Dottie.
On Saturday morning, she jumped off a cedar chest at a yard sale and landed face first in a paving stone, getting her first black eye.

She’s fine.
James and I are traumatized.

Saturday night, James surprised me with a whirlwind date night. We spent too much and stayed out too late but it was way overdue. Cook! Goose and Gander! La Condesa! Hooting and hollering! Surprise date night took us out of our taxes, toddlers, budgets, meal prep, cleanup, laundry, floor routineroutineroutine.
(And it made me like him even more.)

Auntie Clare came to visit. Little girls played in the backyard pool. Seedlings sprang. Half marathons were run (Not by me. Ahem). Friends came over for an impromptu backyard taco bar. Wrapped it all up with dirty bath tubs and couchsleeping.


There’s always so much to do.
Unless there’s not.
And then we’d be smart to enjoy it.

Egg Decorating

New words for internet friends

With the advent of the internet, I now have new relationships with folks — relationships that weren’t around pre-internet.

March 2012

This a very good thing.
I like more, better people.

But for all the words put on the internet, there’s a lack of a working lexicon for and about these relationships.

I’ve started my suggestions for new internet interaction terminology below.
(And I encourage you to add yours in the comments.)

Use: Oh! I’m superfond of her.

The kind of almost love that comes after reading someone’s journal for years and knowing you’re safe around them because they understand where you’re coming from. Not quite love, but darn near close. (Better yet? I don’t have to send them a birthday card in the mail.)

March 2012

South by Soulmate
Use: Of course I sent them a gift for baby number 2, he’s my South by Soulmate.

The kind of friend I met at a conference (any conference, BlogHer, EVO, etc.) once, maybe, in, like, 2006, and haven’t really ever seen again, but thanks to digital media, kept up with their lives, celebrating major life events and even if I never see them again, I would travel to their funeral.

Every day I’m grateful that the most folks I know on the internet I’m both superfond of and they’re my South by Soulmates.

March 2012

Use: He’s totally a nice guy, but I’ve had to keep him feedfree because of his constant political rants.

The constant complainer/ranter/energysucker that you care for, and you want good things to happen to, but just can’t have in your feed. This can be in Twitter, Facebook or any number of places where their information is pushed in your face. I can love someone and have to keep them feedfree at the same time.

March 2012

Use: I’m taking myself out for breakfast and not taking my phone, I will sort out this misinterpridgnation when I get back.

When an audience misunderstands what you were trying to say by focusing on something that you didn’t mean and it doesn’t matter if you defend yourself by this time because they’re only comprehending what they wanted to comprehend.
Also: The most infuriating feeling from this internet.

March 2012

Comment Gardener
Use: I’m going to ask Lou about this, she’s a comment gardner from 2007 that’s been Vegan for years.

A Comment Gardner comments consistently and positively on your site so that that you are now pals. It’s kind of like it took until they were in line with you at the grocery store, complimenting your hair for several days on end until you saw how interesting they were.

This speaks more to the me me me nature of the internet than anything else. Grin.
(Says the biggest fan of comment gardeners).

March 2012

Kind of friend (?)
Use: I’m happy to reach out for you, he’s a Kind of Friend, but I think he’s cool.

Usually delivered with a question mark at the end, this person I recognize by their blog name, and the story behind it, maybe, but certainly don’t know their real name and boom! they’re my kind of friend (/uptalk).

If they become famous, they will graduate to being my “friend” real quick.
Because I’m deep like that.

March 2012

Use: You don’t know what to write on Clarence’s Facebook wall for his birthday today because he’s a Heather-tether from 1995.

A Heather-tether is a person from high school you should remember but don’t and don’t want to unfriend because that call out how mean you are on the inside. Naturally I would never have any Heather-tethers in my friend list, I cherish each and every relationship with everyone from high school ever. I’m just writing this down for a friend. Of course.

March 2012

What new words do you have for the evolving relationships we have with people from the internet?

The Spelling Game and my Cole Slaw Recipe

Do you like weird word games? I do.
Do you like cole slaw? I do.


Even more, I like barbecue pork and corn bread.
Add that to some of The Spelling Game, and I can call that a good night.

OEach player in The Spelling Game has three lives.

The first player mentions a letter as the beginning of a word.
Each player adds a letter to the word, keeping the word unfinished as long as possible.

When a letter is added, and it makes a complete word, the person who completed it loses a life.
The next player then begins again.

Here’s the trick, every letter added has to be part of a word, and not an odd letter thought of on the spur of the moment.

It’s because at any time, you can challenge the player to give up the word they were thinking about. If the player cannot name the word, they lose a life. If the player CAN give up the word they were anticipating, the challenger loses a life.


I’m thinking of the word Boobie.
I say the letter “B.”
James thinks of the word “Brogrammer,”
He says the letter “R”
Jared thinks of the word “Brickhouse”
He says the letter “I”
Erin calls Jared on it, “HEY! You didn’t have a word in there!”
And Jared says, “Boom POW, you lost a life, I was thinking of Brickhouse.”
And so on.

It’s funner than it sounds.

And during Spelling Game night, if you don’t like sitting in circles and adding letters to things, you can stuff your mouth with Barbecue Pork, Malcom’s Corn Bread and my Cole Slaw.

Helen Jane’s Cole Slaw Recipe

1/2 head of cabbage
1/2 cup of light mayonnaise
1/4 tsp cayenne
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1 tsp salt
6 green onions (scallions)
2 shredded carrots (on the grater)

Slice the cabbage into slender, slender strips.

In a large bowl, gently mix cabbage, mayonnaise, cayenne, cider vinegar, salt, pepper, green onions and carrots with your hands or a large spoon.

Serve with BBQ pork, cornbread and love.
And some letters.

Meal plan this week

Meal Plan