This year so far

Scrambler time at Bay Beach, Green Bay, WI

I’m trying a September experiment, where I write every day this month.
Why did I take the last year off?
Grief. Life. Rebuilding.

The first thing
Due to air quality, our family evacuated for a few weeks during the Northern California wildfires that took some of my friends’ homes.
We had the best of all situations, we had flexible jobs, we had family we could stay with and our home was safe.
It was still nearly impossible.

Fire season is now fully something we’re prepared for, with go bags, full gas tanks, air quality apps, fire control maps and a hard to ignore worry that it could all go at any minute.

Early 2017 Napa Fire

The second thing
In November, my brother Joe died, unexpectedly, on his way to visit my brother John for Thanksgiving.
Uncle Joe was a beloved character, and we feel his loss every day. Working through this particular grief with my girls has stretched my heart to breaking (then we do it all again).
Uncle Joe, Nora Lea and Dottie Uncle Joe on the couch with Dottie

The third thing
Just when I felt like my feet were getting under me, in March, one of my close friends was held hostage and murdered.

It was clear I needed time to go underground and rebuild.

Fundamentally, I am a different person than I was last year. Not only am I well padded from all the grief-eating, I’m quieter, I need more alone time, I’m more sensitive to your energy.

That said, I’m not depressed. I know what that feels like, and this isn’t that

When you’re known for showing up with big energy,┬áthere’s a lot of shame when it’s not there anymore.

All that to say, I’m working it out this month. I think I might be ready to talk.

Let’s see where it takes me.

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