15 April, 2012 | Comment
13 April, 2012 | 19 Comments
Getting over my fear of being judged
We’re put here to make something.
Babies. Meals. Buildings. Books. Roads. Stories.
Paintings.
And sometimes web logs.
Creativity is as part of being human as breathing and sweating and humping and enjoying fried things and feeling awkward.
I know this but still suffer from a big block.
I FEAR people JUDGING me.
This fear keeps me from making my best stuff.
Or any stuff.
And I know what causes it.
Me.
There’s only one way my fear of being judged is going to go away.
And it’s by taking off my own Giant Judgey Wig.
I’m the WORST judgey judge.
In my own brain.
And it’s strangling my output.
Fear Of Being Judged.
Or FOBJ — heh — Is a real block for me.
Part of it is that for my job, I evaluate blogs.
But evaluation is different than donning my Giant Judgey Wig.
Evaluation is looking at metrics, at reach, at tone and aesthetics.
Evaluation is looking at facts.
Judgey wig is making a mean-spirited, emotional snap judgement in 2 seconds.
I’m judging you, judging me, judgey judgey judge judge judge.
That outfit sucks.
Why are you using that lame phrase?
Could you complain any more?
Judging makes sense, evolutionarily.
We can’t possibly take everything in that’s presented to us.
We used to need quick yesses or nos when deciding which group of people or environments were best for us.
But online, when we’re nigh assaulted with images of art, of homes, of creative expression, being judgey isn’t necessary.
And if it’s in my head, it probably doesn’t hurt you, but it hurts me more.
It hurts me by creating a culture (in myself!) where I’m afraid to create.
I wouldn’t accuse you of taking this kind of mean-spirited commentary public.
Because I wouldn’t either.
But inside my head, I’m closing myself off from potential friendships, resources, opportunities for learning.
All because I don’t think I like your [insert dumb surface-based reason here].
So how do I stop judging?
The last few weeks I’ve been testing out some tricks for judging less. These three have been the most successful.
(But boy, howdy, this is an uphill battle.)
Compliment
Under my wig I think of at least ONE nice thing about the thing I’m being stupidly critical about. It has a cascading effect, inspiring me to look for more and more nice things until, SURPRISE! I’m rather fond of the blogger behind the blog.
Think of people as collections of stories.
If I think of you as a bunch of collected stories rather than a blanket singular judgement, I’m eager to learn more. I want to hear about all the crazy stuff that goes on in your life. I want to be your friend.
It’s all experimental
This whole internet thing, its current incarnation is barely 5 years old. Would you harshly judge a five year old? (Wait, don’t answer that.)
Think of blogs as partners in this grand experiment of self-expression.
Hey! They’re learning!
And I’m learning too!
We’re all learning!
And for the first time in history, we’re all learning publicly.
(This is terrifying.)
By reframing your judgement as just participating in this experiment, all these posts and photos and stories become less daunting and more exciting. Truthily.
I want to raise my girls free from FOBJ.
The way I do that is by judging less.
Inviting more.
Trying more.
Making more messes.
How do you stop yourself from judging?
Do you suffer from FOBJ?
Or is internet judgery is part of the package?
10 April, 2012 | 2 Comments
Helen Jane’s Deviled Eggs
You have extra hard boiled eggs about now, I can tell.
Helen Jane’s Deviled Egg Recipe
Ingredients
6 hard boiled eggs
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 slices bacon
1 tablespoon minced parsley
Directions
Cut the 4 slices of bacon into tiny, bacon bit sized pieces and brown in a pan. When cooked through and crispy, drain on paper towels. Taste three bacon bits because you deserve it.
Peel hard boiled eggs and slice them the long way, narrow top to bottom.
Pop the yellow yolks into a medium bowl and mash firmly until the consistency of damp yellow sulphury sand. Add mayonnaise, mustard and salt and stir through.
Also to your bowl, add 3/4 of your bacon bits and 3/4 of your minced parsley. Stir through.
Put mixture into a large plastic bag and snip off a corner, piping the mixture back into the empty holes of the hard boiled egg where the yolks used to be.
Sprinkle the tops with parsley and a few bacon bits. Serve amongst friends in a cool, airy brunch situation. We don’t want to end up in in a pickle like Pamie did earlier this year.
Grin.
9 April, 2012 | 4 Comments
Lessons in Practice. And Eggy Pie.
Keep trying, we’ll figure it out together.
BUT I CAN’T! IT’S TOO HARD.
Try cracking another egg. Let’s practice together!
NO, YOU DO IT FOR ME.
Remember, tap it on the side of the bowl, make a little dent. Put both thumbs in the little dent and open it into the bowl.
THIS IS TOO HARD.
Almost there, on the next egg, try tapping a little harder.
You’re on your way. You’re almost there.
JUST LET ME ADD THE OTHER STUFF.
Not quite yet, we’re almost done with the eggs.
Ha! See what you did there? That’s two perfectly cracked eggs! No egg shells in the bowl, and no egg on your hands! Well done! You kept trying and you figured it out!
I DID.
I DID FIGURE IT OUT.
And darned if she didn’t.
Easter Weekend Eggy Pie Brunch Recipe
Ingredients
2 red potatoes
1 leek
1/2 sweet onion
1/4 pound ground italian sausage
12 eggs
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
6 sage leaves, stems removed, minced
12 Piacci parmesan cheese nuggets, chopped fine or 3/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese or 1 cup of shredded Havarti cheese.
Directions
Preheat oven to 325°.
Scrub, then microwave red potatoes for 5 minutes. Remove from microwave and cool.
While potatoes are cooking, prepare a springform pan. I do this by oiling the inside liberally. Then I cover the outside of the pan with aluminum foil. Then I set the prepared pan on a baking sheet.
Brown and drain bulk sausage. Chop leek and onion fine and sauté in sausage fat over medium heat for 5 minutes or until translucent. Let cool in pan.
Crack all 12 eggs into a bowl. Add cream to the bowl and whisk until mixed.
Cut potatoes into small, bite sized cubes. Add potatoes, leeks and onions, drained sausage, salt, pepper, minced sage leaves and cheese to the egg mixture.
Stir through until it’s one glorious gloppy mess.
Add the mixture to the prepared pan.
Put the pan into the oven and bake for 45-60 minutes, peeking in at 45 minutes to make sure the eggy pie is baked all the way through.
Cool for 15-20 minutes before releasing from the pan and serving with something sweet or savory.
It’s good to plan ahead on this one.
We like to make this the night before and then warm it in the oven. Or, wake up on toddler time, very early in the morning, so it’s ready when your guests awake.
3 April, 2012 | 4 Comments
Banana cake. Duh dah duh dah da.
So maybe, while hungry for banana bread, I bought one of those bulk bags of bananas.
Fifty cents for three giant pounds of bananafruit.
It’s like I thought I didn’t have a day job, and 30 pounds to lose. Instead, I’m a pampered wife of leisure with calories for miles!
So, after making banana rum sauce, banana bread, banana chocolate chip bundt cake, the fruit flies started in. And then it was time to really get creative.
Enter: banana cake with cream cheese frosting.
Tasty for dessert,
tastier for breakfast,
let’s get that potassium up.
Silver Palate Banana Cake Recipe
Ingredients
1 stick unsalted butter
3 eggs, separated, yolks in one small bowl, whites in a big bowl
3 ripe bananas, all mashed up
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup buttermilk (I used yogurt and the cake was still darn fine.)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Optional ingredients
2 bananas, sliced
1/2 cup of crushed walnuts
Ingredients for cream cheese frosting
8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
3 cups powdered sugar/confectioner’s sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
juice of 1/2 lemon
Directions
Way before anything, a few hours before anything, put out the cream cheese and butter to come to room temperature.
Preheat the oven to 350°. Grease and flour two 9 inch layer cake pans
Cream butter and sugar together with an electric mixer. Add the egg yolks and let ‘er rip. Add the mashed bananas, mixing all the way through. Sift dry ingredients and add to butter mixtrue. Stir until just combined. Add buttermilk and vanilla. Dump into a larger bowl and wash your mixer bowl. Or use a different bowl and wash your beaters.
Add egg whites to the bowl of your mixer or add your clean beaters back to your mixer. Beat egg whites to soft peaks. Scoop out of the bowl with a spatula and fold gently into the batter until incorporated.
Put batter into the pans, set on the middle rack and bake for 20-30 minutes or until the cake is done (and your cake testing poker comes out clean).
Cool the cake in the pans for 10 minutes, I put the pans on my cool burners. Then unmold the cakes and cool on a rack for 2 hours.
Make the frosting
Cream sugar and butter with a mixer. Add powdered sugar 1/2 cupful at a time. Stir vanilla and lemon juice through.
When the cake is cooled, place one layer on a serving plate and frost. Arrange slices of banana over frosting. Then cover with the other layer. Frost the top and sides of the whole dang cake and sprinkle the walnuts on top.
